Whether your teen communicates with grunts or full sentences (lucky you!) most parent-teen relationships face obstacles. “As a parent you need to recognise that your teen is going through a time of rapid change with many highs and lows, grappling with their sense of identity and place in the world, and attempts to gain independence,” explains clinical psychologist and Director of the PsychMatters Centre in Johannesburg, Joanna Kleovoulou. “That said, it’s vital to stay connected with your teen so that they feel understood and supported through this challenging and exciting period in their lives and that your teen finds comfort in coming to you their parent, rather than straying off the path and getting distorted advice or a sense of belonging elsewhere.”
Facing heightened academic and social pressures, teens may often push their parents away convinced that they couldn’t possibly relate to what they’re going through. Rather than confirming this misconception by pushing them too hard or trying too hard to be their friend, let them know that you’re always available to talk when they need an ear or a piece of (solicited) advice. Good parent-teen communication is rooted in a solid relationship.
Kleovoulou offers the following practical tips to maintain a healthy relationship and keep the lines of communication open:

• Be loving despite the challenges your teen gives you and especially as they tend to want to push you away. Tell your teen often how much you love them even if they fob it off as annoying, and demonstrate your love through physical contact that is comfortable for them.
• Make a big fuss about their achievements no matter how small – within reason – as making them feel special is vital for their self-esteem.
• Respect your teen’s privacy and space, so for example knock before entering their room.
• Spend time together and make time for fun and leisure as this instills a good atmosphere and good rapport. Offer to take them to or pick them up from places and use this time as opportunities for communication.
• Enter their world by showing interest. For instance make time to watch their favourite TV show with them, or avoid criticising the music they listen to when it’s vastly different to what you may like. Find something you both enjoy like running or seeing movies and make it your special time together.

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